I have always considered myself pretty sure there are some people who find me awkward, or just aren’t a fan of mine for whatever reason. But, for the most part, I consider myself someone who can talk about a variety of subjects, with a variety of people. I never realized how much “like attracts like” in that I am often surrounded by people who are similarly skilled at conversing. Whether through choice of school programs and extracurricular activities in college (I was a public relations major and I was in a sorority, both of which required a certain level of communications skills), or fields of work post-graduation (I work in nonprofits which tend to not only attract a wide variety of employees, but also a very diverse clientele), I’ve mostly always been around people who are pretty decent at holding a conversation.
Trying to talk to men on dating apps is so horrifically painful
I didn’t know it was possible for people to be so horrendous at conversation. And to be fair, my male friends say women are just as bad, if not worse, and I don’t doubt that for a second. But, I date men, so my experience is only with men; however, I think a lot of what I am saying can be applied to any gender. A few month ago I wrote a “how to ask a woman out from a dating app” guide for men, indonesiancupid but lately I have realized that people need even more basic instructions than that. They need to know simple tips for having a normal conversation.
I don’t know if these men are just HORRIBLE at conversation or just aren’t that interested in me (probably some of both depending on the person), but either way, in case people genuinely don’t know, I thought I would write some tips on having a conversation. Something I don’t think grown-ass people should need a lesson in, but apparently they do. So away we go.
I never realized how bad people are at conversation until I started using dating apps
Before I get started, I want to say, that I am a very straightforward person, who has no time or interest in the “games” or “rules” of dating. I have no issue with messaging first, even on non-Bumble apps, and I don’t even mind leading the conversation to an extent. I feel like if you want something (or someone) go for it – life is short, and we spend too much time overthinking our interactions on apps. While we are worried about who should message who first, or making sure we don’t respond right away so as not to seem over-eager, someone who would have been good for us might be meeting someone else who actually talks to them like a normal person. Plus, a guy that is going to be put off by the fact that I’m willing to message first is not my kind of guy anyway. But even with me putting in a lot more effort than some women are willing to put in, the results I get are horrific.
With that being said, here are a few tips on how to have an actual conversation. (This is strictly focusing on what happens once you’ve sent an initial message and someone replies to it. I’m not going to even get into how many of my awesome opening lines go ignored.)
Don’t call someone cutie, sweetie, babe, honey, etc. when you have never met them. The few people who might be okay with this are vastly outnumbered by the number of people who don’t like it. Just don’t risk it.